i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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