# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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