Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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