The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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