Your face is a jimmy john
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is wine microwaveable?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
