a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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