It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
