I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
