Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
