i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
