I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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