well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
