I think I died a long time ago.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
