Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
