I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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