Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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