I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
