Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
