i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize