the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dick very happy bro
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
