Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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