What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Even my vagina gasped.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize