my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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