Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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