moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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