We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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