You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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