I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
