woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
