Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
