he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
one might say we're banned from that church
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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