dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
40s are totally the cure
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
