If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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