He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
