the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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