Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
