I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize