You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
birth control should be required to get into college
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
