I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
