those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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