im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
