He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
