i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
