yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
