clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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