Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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