"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
