Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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