this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
