i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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