im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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