Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
