i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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