forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
