apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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