I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
