i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This girl is more easily done than said...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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