this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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