wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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