she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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