I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
