oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
