He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
