Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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