If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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