I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
