How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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