I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
