I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
