I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
