I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
