Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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